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Story from Nkuz'emnyama

Dadewethu,  Ngahamba kahle mzukwana ngisuka lapho nabantwana ngafica besaphila. Sengithi angikubhalele incwadi ngoba angikwazanga ukukuxoxela ngomlomo ngenxa yesikhathi. Ngiyaxolisa kakhulu ngokuthi ngenze into nami engangingayihlelile. Kanti akusiye yini uSibali lona owavele wangena ekamelweni lezivakashi enqunu, wavele wangitshela ukuthi nivumelene ukuthi ezongibhebha. Uyazi ngavuka ngema ngezinyawo, kwasho khona ukuthi ngisukuma nje angigqoke ngisho ipenti, yingubo emfishane yokulala kuphela ngoba ngazi ukuthi ngilele kwadadewethu akukho okungahle kungihluphe ebusuku. Wangena enjengoba afike ezelwe, pho ungena nje usobaba lona useqonde njengothi lomkhonto. Kwazise ke nawe uyazi uSibali wakho uNtuli kade sagcinana ngenxa yaleyo nkinga oyaziyo. Ngavele ngahluleka ukuzibamba,ingani phela wathi nivumelene ngoba wena uyangizwela njengodadethu, awu nami ngakhululeka. Wangibamba ntombi wangihlalisa embhedeni, besengishilo ukuthi ngasukuma ngema ngezinyawo ngifuna ukuphuma ngizobikela wena. Ngathi ukuba ngihlale nje wase exhuma umlomo wakhe kowami, ngase ngimcela ukuthi ngike ngiyoxubha ngoba ngangikade ngilele, cha bandla wangidedela ngaphuma, nami ngenza ngokushesha ngoba phela ngase ngibonile ukuthi induku izoze iwe uma ngenza kancane. Ngabuya lapho eselele embhedeni ebheke phezulu, wavele wathi khululeka S’bali wami, uma uthanda ungawudla ngomlomo ngoba kade wagcina ukubona into enje.  Dadewethu, angikaze ngilubone loluhlobo lomthondo, ikhinqi lihleli obala, phela lisikiwe imithambo ifuthekile nayo ihleli obala, ngavele ngashona khona, ngawubamba wagcwala isandla ngasho ngiwufaka emlonyeni, ngawuncela, ngawukhotha, ngadlalisa amasende. Ngithe lapho nami sengizwa ukuthi sekuyashisa, wase ethi angigibele phezu kwakhe ngimncele ngifulathele phela mina angazi ukuthi naye ufuna ebe elokhu enza khona lokho. Ngezwa into engingakaze ngiyizwe ndawo, kanti ulimilumnandi kangaka uma lungena phakathi??? Angisaphathi ke esengincela amalebe, ngamuzwa nje ethi kanti nakhiwe ngokufana nodadewenu, esho ebona loluhlobo olungajwayekile lwamalebe. Phela mina ngangingazi ukuthi nawo ahlukene, ngaze ngacabanga ukuwasika mina ngoba ngabona ukuthi yiwo lana angixabanisa no Ntuli, ngithi ngingambamba ngawo nje lento yakhe ivele iphelelwe ngamandla, achame esesemnyango. Hhayi ke sisi uma eqeda ukungincela, bese engisusa phezu kwakhe, angilalise bese ehlela kuyo angifake umunwe wakhe lona omkhulu, wawukhipha wase engidlalisa umnsunu ngolimi emva kwalokho wase ewuncela kancane ngoba phela wona uyashesha ukuzwela ubuhlungu. Kwavele kwathi angihlanye wesisi ngoba ngangicabanga ukuthi usefake umthondo wakhe nakhu namehlo ngase ngiwavalile nginamahloni okuthi uS’bali uselivule lonke igolo ulibuka ngamehlo. Nokho ngagcina sengithundile ngoba wayelokhu engibelesele ngomunwe wakhe, awufake uwuyise phakathi abuye angikope emaceleni, awufake sengathi uyaqhweba ngaphakathi ingani lapho umthondo akwazi ukufinyelela khona, uvele ungene uqonde phakathi. Ngithe sengichamile, wangibuza ukuthi sengenele yini, ngavuma ngoba ngesaba ukuthi afake leyamamba.Wangicela ukuthi ngingabangi umsindo ngoba ngizokuphazamisa ebuthongweni. Hhayi mntakababa, wawujikijela ngakhala kakhulu futhi ngacabanga ukuthi ungizwile, wavele wawukhipha wathi uma ngibanba umsindo kuncono ayeke, ngamethembisa ukuthi angeke ngisakhala, kwaqale kwaba lukhuni ukuthi ungene kahle kodwa ngenxa yokuthi kwase kumanzana wazama ukuwufaka waba uhhafu, wangifenda uS’bali sisi, ngabuzwa ubumnandi kwazise ngade ngagcina ukubhejwa, kodwa futhi kubuhlungu, uma engibuza ukuthi ngiyeke, ngivele ngithi Mhhh….Mhhhh ngingazi fanele ngiphendule ngithini. Hhayi ke kanti okukhulu kuyeza, wavele wafenda kakhulu/mawala kanti usefuna ukuthunda, ngamcela ngathi angasheshi ukuthunda, wathi ucabangela mina ngoba ngizwa ubuhlungu, wangisukumisa ngema ngezinyawo phansi olunye unyawo ngalugibeza embhedeni wangibhebha eqhamuka ngemuva, phela umthondo wase uzingenela nje nami sengiqala ukuzwa ubumnandi ngoba ngezwa sengathi uyathunda kancane wabuye wazibamba, yilokho okwenza amalebe avuleke kamnandi avumele umthondo wehla wenyuka ngaphakathi kimi. Wangicela ukuthi ngibuye ngaphezu kwakhe ngoba lishisa kakhulu uma ungena ngemuva, ngakho uzosheshe adedele kanti mina angikadeli, nebala ngabuya ngaphezulu, ngezwa sengathi isinye sizophuma kanti yingoba ngingakaze ngiyenze lento emnandi kangaka. Wangincenga bandla wathi "S’bali wami ngivumele ukuthi ngikuthele ngesidoda sami sengiyehluleka ukuzibamba, phela ngesikhathi ngiphezu kwakhe ngangilokhu ngimkhotha emqaleni kanye nezibele zakhe. Cha ngamvumela wathi angilale ngibheke phezulu, wayibamba imilenze yomibili wayivula, walibuka igolo lami, washo ewufaka kwabuye kwaqala phansi ubumnandi lapho imilenze yomibili isentanyeni yakhe, akangabe esakhuluma kakhulu wadla ngokufenda nje, mina lapho ngithule ngilalele lenyoka eneso elilodwa icinga ingaphakathi lami, ngase ngiyamtshela ukuthi angisebenzisi lutho okokuvikela ukumitha, wathi wenze kahle ngoba ngiyezwa ukuthi kuzodaleka umonakalo, wathi lapho esechama,wawukhipha wangichamela esifubeni phakathi kwamabele ami. Wasuka lapho wathi ngiyabonga S’bali sengizokubona ekuseni ngisaya kudadewenu. Nami ngavuka ngayogeza, ngalala ngazumeka kwaze kwaba sekuseni njengoba ngavuswa uwena ubuza ukuthi kanti angisahambi yini ngoba ngilele nje. Awu wangisiza mntakababa, lencwadi bengiyibhalela ukubonga ukuthi uyangithanda. Phela abantu abafuni ukudlelwa imithondo yabo ngoba basuke bezwa lobubumnandi obunjengalobu engabuzwa. Yingakho nje nawe ungafuni ngisho ukulala uma uvakashe ekhaya, usuke ujahe loluya halasha luka S’bali, ungikhonzele kuye. Ngizobuya nje khona maduze. Obhalile udadenu uNozipho

Story from Gane

12 types of females
1. Ms. Gold-Digger

Advantages
a. You have someone to manage your money. b. She always looks good.c. She makes your other boys jealous.Disadvantagesa. When you get broke she'll be gone and take what you have left.b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support. c. Once your boy comes up she'll be on his arm the next day. 
2. Ms. Freak (secret lover)
Advantages a. She knows all the right positions.b. She'll try everything more than once.c. You're never unsatisfied.d. She'll do all the things your girl won't do.e. She doesn't mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.Disadvantagesa. Eventually, because she's a female, she'll end up catching feelings.b. She starts to act like she's your "main".c. She messes with ya boy and act like you in the wrong for telling that she's a freak. d. Eventually her stuff gets old. And you need a replacement. Or she gets bored and SHE needs a replacement.  3. Ms. Independent

Advantages
a. You don't have to worry about buying her anything. She got most of it.
b. She's intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.
c. She's great for conversation.
d. She keeps it real and has goals.
e. She knows how to please a man.
Disadvantages
a. She will continuously let you know that she can handle it on her own.
b. She will eventually say 'forget you' and get a dildo.
c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.


4. Ms. Dyme

Advantages
a. She's top of the line.
b. She stays looking like a fantasy.
c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.
d. She considers herself a "model"
e. All the girls envy her, but she doesn't care.
Disadvantages
a. She's superficial. She cares only about her looks.
b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks.
c. She's probably dumb as hell and if she's not her personality is dry.
d. You have to constantly keep your game up because every kat is gonna try to get her.
   5. Ms. Tomboy

Advantages
a. She's cool and laid back.
b. She'll be willing to play rough with you.
c. Of course, she loves sports.
d. Her body is athletically divine.
e. She's easy to talk to and fun to be around.
f. She's a diamond in the rough.
Disadvantages
a. She'll remind you too much of your boy.
b. She might not want to change her appearance.
c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track. 


6. Ms. Ghetto


Advantages
a. She's not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.
b. She's down for you. She'll be there to bail you out of jail.
c. She's always stays fresh.
d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation.
e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.
Disadvantages
a. She doesn't know how to act in public.
b. Your mom can't stand her.
c. You get into it with her every other second.
d. She's willing to fight another girl looking at you PERIOD!!!!.
e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.
   7. Ms. Good Girl

Advantages
a. She's always there for you.b. She's intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.c. Your mother loves her.d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.e. You are her first everything.f. She makes you feel like a man.g. 8/10 you will be her first sex partner Disadvantagesa. She's an A or B situation either: A. You're not gonna get any until ya'll are married or she will make you wait A LONG TIME or at least till he feel like you really like her and not just tryin to get some.. or.... B. She said she never done it she said she never tried she's sitting there telling a lie.
8. Ms. Main
 Advantages a. She is the one you respect.b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.d. You've been with her forever-or have just met her but feel it's been forever.Disadvantagesa. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass.  9. Ms. Psycho

Advantages
a. She's fun and spontaneous.b. She's down to earth.c. She loves you unconditionally.d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.e. She makes you feel loved.Disadvantagesa. Don't you break up with her. She will stalk your ass. b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.c. She can manipulate the hell out of you. d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.e. Messing with her can make your life a living hell. 10. Ms. I have a Man.

Advantages
a. She may have a man but she'll mess with you anyway.b. She looks good.c. You have intense nights of passion with her.d. Your relationship with her is not complicatede. She appreciates you more than your girlDisadvantagesa. She'll always come crying to you about the problems with her man. b. She'll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.c. If you piss her off she'll get her man to come beat your ass. d. She'll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.  11. Ms. Tease

Advantages
a. She's tempting and a nice piece of eye candy. b. She's intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you. d. Everything she does is just so sensual.e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it. f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.g. Every kat wants her cause she's so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first. Disadvantagesa. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)  12. MRS. RIGHT

Advantages
a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dyme but she is BEAUTIFUL and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy. c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother's.d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body.e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%. g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you. i. She's always there for, no matter what your dreams are.j. She's not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight. k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she's your best friend.l. You love being around her more than your boys. m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.n. You can have a bad argument with her and then have the BEST Mind Numbing and passionate love making fest ever. o. She's always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often take most of your shit. But she's also intelligent enough to leave. p. She's nothing like any other girls you've met. She's your woman. THE RIGHT ONEq. She may cheat you, but will be careful enough not to let you find out even if she finds out about your affairs.Disadvantage: You've probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with 1-11 that you let her go So which one is your girl - or which one are you, girl? Men, you'll find there's one girl who's most of these types and you just don't know which category to place her!! If you have her keep her, if you've let her go, get her back, and if you let her go and can't find her, consider your self unlucky!! 

Story form Unknown

 

DELIGHTFUL

 

 

  • During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/2 litre of urine.

 

  • In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles etc.)

 

  • An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.

 

  • In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept.

 

  • Annually, you will shake hands with 11 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

 

  • In a lifetime, 22 nosey workmen doing work in your home will have examined the contents of your dirty laundry basket.

 

  • At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests. (Mouth herpes.)

 

  • Daily you will breathe in 1 litre of other peoples' anal gases.

 

YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY NOW